from now on my penis is your penis
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
