What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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