I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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