i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
