there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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