Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
