in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
