I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
