today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
