a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
