Your dad touched me again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
