So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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