My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
