Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
