Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She made me pour olive oil on her.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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