Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
