I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
