I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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