Im at strip club and am horny
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
