i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
