My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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