she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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