There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
