i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she pinky promised me she was 18
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis