Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

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  (812): apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight" http://tfl.nu/9yyv
  Replies (36) Good night (7082) Bad night (632)
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  (489): View more from

  watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .

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  (489): watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on . http://tfl.nu/coqw
  Replies (48) Good night (5914) Bad night (1117)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...

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  (419): somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky... http://tfl.nu/anut
  Replies (22) Good night (2510) Bad night (3602)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?

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  (616): Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by? http://tfl.nu/1ke1
  Replies (28) Good night (1647) Bad night (7818)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.

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  (718): Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much. http://tfl.nu/absj
  Replies (15) Good night (5604) Bad night (1692)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings

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  (519): You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings http://tfl.nu/jmrv
  Replies (2) Good night (1550) Bad night (2624)
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  (949): View more from California

  The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.

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  (949): The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses. http://tfl.nu/cf7g
  Replies (25) Good night (3594) Bad night (2128)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.

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  (304): You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar. http://tfl.nu/zoyd
  Replies (1) Good night (3589) Bad night (762)
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  (909): View more from California

  He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.

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  (909): He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere. http://tfl.nu/wyhi
  Replies (4) Good night (3045) Bad night (693)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  .....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....

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  (315): The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar..... (507): .....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls.... http://tfl.nu/yj71
  Replies (5) Good night (832) Bad night (541)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.

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  (630): I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time. http://tfl.nu/846n
  Replies (7) Good night (513) Bad night (1366)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists

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  (251): dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists http://tfl.nu/lizw
  Replies (3) Good night (983) Bad night (409)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.

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  (620): So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive. http://tfl.nu/y5fy
  Replies (8) Good night (514) Bad night (1764)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.

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  (973): You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him. http://tfl.nu/xmf9
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (318)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out

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  (425): Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out http://tfl.nu/jvnh
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (260)

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