I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions