he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.