Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
