her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.