so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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