Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
