Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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