Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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