First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
