So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
