I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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