yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.