at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.