we have pet lesbian snakes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
