He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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