Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
