im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
