O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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