look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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