Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
