Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
