I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
