new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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