i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
