just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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