so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
