He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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