she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
