my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
