I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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