hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's the barista slut.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
