i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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