I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
