I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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