She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
