don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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