did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
even my farts smell like vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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