You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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