my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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