why didn't you poke me back
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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