Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
