the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
