The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
