I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
