the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
