I didn't shave. On purpose
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
