That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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