He kissed a someone with a penis
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
