What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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