either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize