apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
