If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
