My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
