using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize