I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
