i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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