Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
