I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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